I've been so honoured to be able to interview one of the fabulous women who wrote Mother Rising - The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood by Yana Cortlund, Barb Lucke and Donna Miller Watelet.  Donna graciously took time out of her busy life to answer a few questions that I emailed to her about the Blessingway and how it can significantly empower a woman as she prepares for labour, birth and ultimately, motherhood

(Mother Rising Cover and it's authors: Yana Cortlund, Barb Lucke and Donna Miller Watelet.)

Donna, do you have any advice for women who are having a difficult time embracing their upcoming motherhood?

Yes, and let me say that I had my own concerns that left me feeling disconnected from my son’s up-coming birth at the time. I highly recommend getting yourself a copy of our book; “Mother Rising: The Blessingway Journey into Motherhood”, (Celestial Arts Press, 2006, available on  www.blessingwaybook.com). Then ask one or two of your best friends to throw you a blessingway and hand them the book. If you’ve never experienced a blessingway ceremony for an expecting mother, you will find it to be a very empowering experience for everyone present, especially the expecting mom. And Mother Rising outlines step by step how to put together a blessingway designed to serve many different kinds of women as they approach motherhood whether for the first time or not.

In your words, what makes a blessingway ceremony so special?

A blessingway serves to reconnect the mother-to-be to her innate ability to mother and to the various gifts and talents she possesses that will help her in her new or expanding role once she gives birth. It is a sacred and joyful ceremony designed to support a mother-to-be in unburdening her heart, gaining confidence and celebrating her innate gifts. The pleasure for a pregnant woman in sharing a blessingway ceremony with a carefully chosen group of women, who support her vision of birthing and mothering, is profound. 

I've noticed that Mother Rising includes women who are adopting their babies in the blessingway circles and I just love that!  Do you have any stories or insights for women who are about to adopt a baby? 

Yes! I had the pleasure and honor of planning and facilitating a blessingway for a  woman friend of mine who was in the process of adopting a child she and her husband  had already been introduced to through letters, emails and pictures from the orphanage he lived in for his first few months. The ceremony gave her the opportunity to talk about and release some pent up emotions driven by unexplored fears she had been holding about adopting a child. It also helped her connect with the women present and them to her in a  very personal way that created for her a circle of women she knew she could trust to  support her even in the hardest times as she labored to bring her new son home and as all three of them adjusted to life as a family. 

Can you tell us about how a blessingway ceremony helps a woman to address any fears that she might have?

Certainly. A blessingway and most rituals can be constructed to include both an emptying out portion and a filling back up portion, with room left over for the unknown to be allowed to reveal itself as things move forward. The emptying out portion or “Releasing of Fears” in a blessingway is designed to help each particular mother-to-be to release old beliefs, fears and habits that no longer serve her through introspective sharing and compassionate guidance from a facilitator. Whether through a guided, eyes closed exercise, by hearing an experienced mother share about an issue, doing  a journaling piece, through a release to fire of symbolic items, whatever makes sense for that mother-to-be, releasing fears is powerful work that opens women up to the highest and best selves that are often buried beneath the surface.

You touch on blessingway themes: bonding with the new baby, preparing for successful breastfeeding relationships, family unity and maintaining a close bond with an older sibling.  Would the person leading the blessingway weave these themes into the ceremony, or are there other ways to introduce them?

Great question. And there are any number of ways to do that especially since my co-authors and I agree that there is no right or wrong way to do a blessingway or any other ritual. That said, over the years we have refined and expanded the way in which we create the blessingways that we have been a part of with greater and greater success in creating more powerful and more deeply meaningful rituals. But in the beginning our blessingways were still powerful and joyful events so trust that using Mother Rising as a guide the special circumstances of any mother-to-be can be enriched and empowered.

Regarding how various themes become a part of a blessingway, it all centers around the mother-to-be and her situation and specific needs, so we start by having a sit down chat with the mother-to-be. Bearing in mind how personal things like birthing, feeding, toilet training and sleeping arrangements after birthing can be, we start by asking simple questions about her likes and dislikes related to possible blessingway elements and whether she has any favorite elements she’d really like to have in her blessingway. Then, we gradually begin asking some questions in a very sensitive way about any concerns she may have about pregnancy, birthing, mothering, and family dynamics… whatever seems right for her particular situation. (We included a list of possible questions for a mother-to-be in “Mother Rising” that you can work from too.)

From there, the mother-to-be is invited to step back and trust her facilitator(s) so that she can be led through the experience, not lead it, much like the need to trust the support of others as we birth and learn to mother. Often some or all of the participants help plan the blessingway. Using the expecting mother’s answers to the questions asked, in conjunction with the invited circles members’ set of skills and talents, the blessingway takes shape often with many women leading various parts of the ceremony. 

One of your ideas in Mother Rising is to send participants home with candles to light when the woman goes into labor and blow them out once the baby is born.  What a beautiful thing to do!  Have you had any other suggestions like that since you've written the book? 

Hmmm, I have seen women go home with prayer ties and small scrolls they made while  together at the blessingway to place somewhere they will see them and remind them to meditate on their expecting friend and touch base with her before, during and after  birthing whether directly or spiritually.

I’ve recently thought that sending everyone home with a copy of a prayer or visualization printed on beautiful paper along with an agreed on time to meditate or pray on the mother-to-be and her journey’s well being, would be powerful for everyone and relatively easy on our busy schedules. The mother-to-be can simply open herself to receiving from them at that same time. Ideas like these are limited only by one’s imagination and its sense of what can hold meaning for those involved. And the  time between blessingway and birth is a time that she needs your support to bridge this new state of mind and heart to last until labor and beyond.

Rituals for women seem so important, even if we don't have so many of them in North American society.  We live separate lives; many of us are so busy.  I'm thinking about having a blessingway ceremony for my daughters when they have their first menstrual cycles to celebrate womanhood.  Do you have any advice or thoughts for me about this?

In “Mother Rising”, the word “blessingway” with a small “b” refers to the passage ceremonies that we create in our part of the country for a woman preparing to give birth. In some Northern Native American traditions, (and perhaps others), the English word “Blessingway” with a capital “B” relates to passage ceremonies at numerous points in life. The Five Stages of Ritual in “Mother Rising” are the perfect out line for any sacred celebration.

Simply use those pieces from the book that fit your goals just as they are written, adapt them to fit your needs, search the web for inspiration or create new pieces yourself using things you find as models. A rite of passage into fertility for a girl is an opportunity to gather a strong circle of adult women, (and perhaps one or two girls who have yet to menstruate), to impress upon the girl-in-transition - perhaps through dance, song, poetry, art, whatever speaks to her - the magnitude of the gift and the responsibility she now hold in her body, as well as to honor the girl’s particular gifts and talents that will support her in making good choices with her body, mind, heart and soul as she grows and matures.

What is the most important thing you would want every pregnant woman to know? 

That we each hold within us the value, power, beauty and grace we need to walk this and any other women’s journey, and that even when it appears that we walk it alone, we are walking the well worn path of women’s wisdom traveled by women everywhere for  hundreds and hundreds of years, and that an open heart and mind can feel that  connection and the sense of limitless possibilities it offers. How do we access that? A  blessingway would absolutely create that sense of connection, but I would want to  encourage every woman preparing to birth to set aside time in some way to consider what she knows about birthing and mothering to be clear what she wants to happen with her body and her baby as well as identifying any concerns that stand between her and her  confidence. Whether it’s through a blessingway, a trusted women’s circle, a group of trusted friends, some private counseling with a good therapist… take the time to clear the path to your own unique journey into motherhood.

What is the one thing that you wish could be done differently with regards to birth?

I am always happy to see new free standing birthing centers open up. My feeling is that the rotating staff in hospitals’ birthing programs can bring with them varied levels of openness to a woman’s preferences when birthing. Now I’m sure that it is better in some  places than others, but in my experience the smaller free standing facilities with their  own internal staff generally have a better track record in honoring a woman’s birthing choices as well as being trusted by their patients, thanks to the patient’s familiarity with the whole staff, enough to feel confident about taking any advice from them instead of feeling the need to advocate for themselves while giving birth!  Where trust and  confidence exist, whether giving birth in your own home, a birthing center, hospital or any other setting, a woman will be better able to focus herself on guiding the intensity of  her birthing energy during labor which creates healthier outcomes for mothers and  babies alike.

Donna, thank you again for spending time with us.  Hopefully women will be inspired to buy your book and create beautiful blessingway ceremonies of their own. The world cannot have enough empowered mothers.

It was my pleasure. This project was a gift to me since I believe in the power we each have inside us to change our future by truly understanding our present state of self. I am uplifted by the knowledge that this information can inspire women to open themselves to making deeper, more conscious choices about birthing, mothering and how they live the rest of their lives.  Thank you so much for the opportunity to share what I believe in so passionately  ~Rev. Donna Miller Watelet

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